Archetypes of Love
The Many Faces of Connection
Love. It’s been dissected, celebrated, and cursed by wisemen, philosophers, lovers, and fools for millennia. And despite the endless poems, songs, and late-night debates, no one has ever fully captured its essence. Perhaps I won’t either.
What I can do, however, is shine a bit of light into the sprawling maze of love’s forms and invite you to discover which corridors feel most like home. There are infinite ways to experience love, but broadly speaking, it exists on two planes: the philosophical – a love that thrives without “the other,” burning brightly for life, nature, or existence itself – and the mundane, where love finds its expression through relationships with others.
The philosophical love is vast, encompassing everything equally: stones, rivers, humanity, even the quirks of the universe. It’s warm, tolerant, and rooted in acceptance of life’s unpredictability. Mundane love, on the other hand, is deeply personal, carrying our stories of attraction, attachment, and vulnerability. It’s the love that says, “I know love because of you.”
Between these two poles lie archetypes of love – distinct patterns that emerge in how we give and receive, how we relate to life, to ourselves, to the other. No archetype is “right” or “wrong.” What is wrong is failing to recognise them. Without awareness of how love manifests in ourselves and others, we limit its transformative and enriching potential.
Understanding the archetypes of love can offer powerful insights into how we relate to ourselves and others. These patterns are not static, but ever-evolving, reflecting the natural cycles of life and relationships. This connection between archetypes of love and change highlights how love can transform us and how it can give us a glance of reality through the eyes of another…
So, let’s meet these archetypes.
We will start with the love towards oneself. This topic has been discussed at length throughout history, and even more so in contemporary philosophy. So, by now, we surely understand why it is so important. But still, how can we love ourselves if we don’t know who we are? How can we love something we can’t quite grasp or aren’t sure how to express? And how can we love something that is constantly censored by the outside world? How often are we in situations where we’re not approved of, and we feel the need to “do things” to be accepted?
Types of Love Archetypes
1. The Love of Self
This brings us to the central question: “Can I love myself, even when I’m not accepted or approved by others?” Our greatest allies in this journey are those who can love us unconditionally, the ones who demonstrate acceptance. There is magic in this acceptance, as it frees us from the need to do things in order to be loved. Instead, it allows us to simply be who we are.
The first of the archetypes of love also involves the topic of loneliness, asking, “Can I be alone?” and “How do I accept being alone?” How we answer these questions will determine how ready we are to modify our behaviour just to be loved and accepted, or whether we can find comfort in solitude.
The fear of being alone is real, but what happens when we are alone? What is it that terrifies us so much? In reality, all that happens is that we can no longer experience our value through an external reference. Relating to others, to a great extent, confirms our existence. We need to see ourselves reflected in the eyes of another and experience love through their acceptance of us.
To be loved for who we naturally are, not for who we might become, not for what others may approve of, but simply for who we are. This can be very challenging, especially in relationships where one person values this acceptance, but the other is driven by a strong willpower and prefers to focus on improvement. Statements like, “I expect more from you; you disappoint me,” may appear as pure rejection. If taken at face value, such words can easily erode our sense of personal value, making us “learn” that love is directly linked to achievements and the need to prove ourselves.
In this way, the subtle self-love is lost.
2. The Love of Passion
The second of the archetypes of love relates to passion, the burning desire for intimacy. This is the only archetype that directly connects love to sex. Sometimes in the daily encounters we are drawn to, we may recognise and be surprised by an underlying sexual tension. At the same time a profound, deep, and valuable relationship, which lacks this strong sensuality, may feel deeply disappointing.
This love is tied to the intense longing to realise a fantasy, and what fuels it is the unknown – meeting someone new, beginning to see them as Prince Charming, and dreaming of all the ideals that come along with that. The catch, though, is that Prince Charming, in reality, is just a regular human being with his own weaknesses and shortcomings, not quite as we imagined him. This is often the moment when the fantasy falls apart.
It’s also why relationships shaped by this archetype don’t usually last long. According to this type of love, it’s quite normal for relationships to reach extreme highs and then dissolve, as the passion fades or the illusion shatters. For someone who carries this archetype, this is perfectly fine.
This love is also part of our literature. As I once read in a poem, “Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” It’s profoundly human. If we recognise ourselves in this type of love – always seeking something new, exciting, stimulating, full of dreams and fantasies – we must also be aware that these feelings may eventually be overtaken by reality. It’s important to understand the nature of this love, to acknowledge that it is just one aspect of who we are, and that some relationships will inevitably crash in the storms of our illusions.
3. The Love of Perfection
The third of the archetypes of love is about the search for perfect love. People who carry the love of perfection deeply long to meet someone ideal.
Unlike the other archetypes of love, when they discover that their partner is not perfect, they make out of them a project, a mission for improvement. They see the potential for growth and think to themselves, “Oh, I see how this person can be better.” Their intentions are good; they wish to experience more joy, satisfaction, and depth in life and in the relationship.
But their efforts often miss the mark. Instead of offering encouragement, they criticise, make remarks, or even nag. When they see you, they don’t usually say something pleasant, they point out what needs to be fixed. This is how they show love: by recognising the potential for perfection in the other, but only after something little could be fixed first.
The archetypes of love are captured well in a poem saying,
“The person inside of me that you love is better than I am,
but keep loving me, and I’ll become better than myself.”
This is the philosophy behind their love – a belief that, through the partner’s love, they can transcend their current state and become more. Unfortunately, not everyone is here to become “better than themselves,” and when combined with the first archetype of self-love, this can be very painful and unsatisfying experience. If one partner is constantly striving for perfection, while the other is focused on simply being accepted as they are, the gap between them can widen, leaving both feeling unfulfilled.
4. The Love of Care and Support
The fourth archetype expresses love through the readiness to care for one’s family. This is one of the most socially accepted and easily recognised forms of love, deeply tied to the noble act of supporting loved ones and providing for them. It is, indeed, noble: the effort and willpower to support those you love by giving.
These individuals often express their love through gifts, acts of service, and thoughtful gestures. They may not always say much, but for them, the message is in the action of giving.
However, they can feel deeply hurt if their partner doesn’t understand that these gestures are a symbol of love. As I will explore later, some of the other archetypes – particularly those who crave verbal affirmations – need to hear words of love and affection repeatedly. If they only receive a gift instead, they might think, “I didn’t hear of love, so the love doesn’t exist.”
This discrepancy creates tension in relationships. Both partners may love each other deeply, but they express it in different ways.
The one who gives often expects appreciation in return. It’s not uncommon to hear them say, “Look at everything I’ve done for you, and you don’t appreciate it, you’re not grateful at all.” But in reality, the giver should recognise that love, in its purest form, is not about keeping score.
“It’s about being grateful for the opportunity to give,
and seeing in the other person’s willingness to receive a chance to express the depth of your care..”
5. The Love of Success
The fifth of the archetypes of love revolves around success. It is often the most condemned form, as it is closely tied to material well-being. You know, those individuals who seek a partner with financial success or ambition. Despite the common judgment of this love, it is, in fact, one of the most natural and ancient ways of surviving.
Our awareness of how to survive, our drive for success and stability, is one of the oldest instincts we hold. This form of love is not just about surviving; it’s about thriving together. It’s the kind of love that drives couples to create and build, whether through a family business, professional success or the pursuit of common goals. At its core, this archetype asks: “How can we succeed together?”
At its simplest, it sounds like: “We are a successful couple, together.” This love is about shared progress, shared victories, and the belief that success is best achieved as a team. As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry aptly put it: “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” And that direction is one of success, of building, achieving, and growing together.
6. The Love of Meaning
The sixth type of love is all about finding meaning. This archetype, along with the next one, is deeply connected to the romantic side of love. While the previous two types focused on support and building lasting relationships, here, the future is irrelevant, and what matters is the present – this very moment.
You can often find these individuals late at night, long after the bar has closed and everyone else is gone, still sitting at the corner table, across from each other, staring deeply into one another’s eyes, listening intently. One speaks, and the other listens with absolute focus, both cherishing every word. They build a fire together – a fire of attention, passion, and attraction, all rooted in a profound understanding of each other. For them, the essence of love is captured in knowing each other to the core: “I know you, and you know me.”
This archetype also brings to the surface the theme of unshared love – the kind of love that burns brightly but is never acknowledged, never returned. You may love someone deeply, but they may never know it, or the love may not take form in a way that’s recognisable to the world. The romance is fleeting, a precious moment that cannot be carried into everyday life, into the mundane spaces where laundry gets hung and dishes are washed.
For these individuals, the question that looms large is: “Do I find meaning in this love?” “What is the meaning of this relationship?” “Why are we together?” These are the questions that they ask with an intensity that can feel life-or-death, for, to them, love is what gives life its purpose. Without it, they may spiral into a deep melancholy, one so profound that they’re willing to take great risks to provoke love, to fight for it, and to manifest it in the world.
They might even say, “The greatest tragedy in life is not that people die, but that they cease to love.” For them, love is the thing that gives their life meaning, and without it, nothing else seems to matter.
7. The Love of Spirit
The seventh of the archetypes of love are related to uncertain love and the spirit of love. For these individuals, love is something that constantly rises and falls, needing constant empowerment and inspiration to express itself fully. Even on their brightest days, those who carry these archetypes of love live with the awareness that they may lose love at any moment. They view love as something obscure, ephemeral, and unpredictable.
At the core of their understanding of love is the acknowledgment that emotions are in constant flux. These individuals seek a partner who can ignite their spirit, someone who provokes them in such a way that they feel their own fire, their own passion and energy. They long for a partner who can kindle their flame, bringing vibrancy and life to their world. A partner who fails to fuel them is seen as someone who dampens their spirit, cuts off their wings, and suppresses their essence.
These archetypes of love are uncertain by nature, ever-shifting and evolving. They cannot be confined by expectations, contracts, or promises. The notion of “we will be together forever” is foreign to them, as they understand that love cannot be boxed into an agreement or made permanent by a signed marriage contract. This love thrives in the present, in the moment, and is free from the weight of future commitments.
For these lovers, it is true to say: “I love you in this moment, maybe,” and at times they may even say, “Sometimes I love you, sometimes I don’t.” It’s a love that resists definition, that defies traditional structures. They may simply reply, “I don’t know,” when asked if they love their partner, as the nature of their love is fluid, undefined, and based purely in the experience of the now.
But what this love offers, in its uncertainty, is a profound connection that goes beyond the physical or practical. It transcends sexuality, and goes beyond the reasons of having children or supporting a family. It is deeply individual –
“I love you for being just who you are, no need to become anything else.”
For these individuals, love is about embracing the pure essence of another person without the need for transformation or future promises. It is a love that is free, uncertain, and breathing in the moment.
Conclusion
The love archetypes are all so different. Perhaps everyone can recognise themselves in a few of them. They can be interwoven in our personalities, finding expressions through different dynamics in our lives. Through interactions some people may invite one particular archetype to the forefront, while others may provoke different aspects within us. Regardless of the expression, what matters is to recognise our own natural way of loving, beyond what we’ve learned or been conditioned to believe.
Equally important is understanding how our partner is designed to love. What is their unique way of experiencing and expressing love? When we allow them to offer love in their own way, we create space for real connection and open understanding, honouring both our individuality and the love we share. And as my dear teacher and founder of the Human Design System would say –
“If you allow someone to be who they are, and they allow you to be who you are, then that is love. Anything else is torture.” -Ra Uru Hu
So which one is your love.. and would you like to share about it in the comments.?
This article is inspired by the Human Design System and the teachings of Ana Vuleva
